FRENCH VS. AMERICAN CULTURE – Public vs. Private

This is a compilation of excerpts from the book Sixty Million Frenchman Can’t Be Wrong. At the end are a few of my own contributions in regard to the French view of Public vs. Private.

Excerpts:

We had been in the country long enough by this time to know some rules about conversation. Questions we consider polite, to the point of being banal, are sometimes considered rude in France – especially, “What do you do?” or, “What’s your name?” We had learned that you should extract names and occupations indirectly by talking about other things like politics, culture, arts, or anything related to food. So when it was time to leave, we got ready to say, “We are very sorry to end this conversation and hope we can pursue it on another occasion,” a technique that had often produced the desired result. There are other ways to get people’s names. Though it sounds precious and formal to our ears, you can ask, “What should I do to have the pleasure of speaking to you again?”

This resitance to offer names may be one reason the French are so often accused of being aloof. Yet these incidents had nothing to do with lack of hospitality. Perfect strangers had invited us into their homes, spent entire afternoons entertaining us, and offered us the use of their cars. The misunderstanding over introductions comes from different notions of privacy. Americans and the French simply have entirely different ideas about what information you share with strangers, and what information you don’t share. Conflicting notions of privacy make the behavior of one seem inappropriate to the other.

By privacy, we don’t mean the issue of legally protecting personal information. We’re not even talking about ideas of personal space, though the French are clearly less finicky than North Americans are about physical proximity to strangers. By privacy here we mean each culture’s intuitive sense of what’s intimate, and what’s public. For instance, North Americans freely discuss names and occupation in public, but these things are considered extremely private matters in France. The French freely kiss and argue in public, while North Americans consider it more appropriate to do these things in private.

-friends: making friends in France is much more difficult then elsewhere. French people are extremely closed when you first meet them so it makes it hard to connect. This goes along with the coconut vs peach comparison that I used earlier in the year. French people are like coconuts (hard to get to know at first, but once it is open, they are an open book) and Americans are peaches (easy to get to know at first but then have a hard center). I actually find that the French are more like mangos - impossible to peel on the outside, soft and yummy, and then have a large and extremely hard center.

-window shutters: everyone has window shutters or 'volets' and everyone uses them. They aren't just for decoration like in the US. This is to add to the privacy of their homes.

-money: An extremely taboo topic. It just isn't discussed. Neither is religion or politics. Maybe somewhat inside of families but even then it would be a slightly tense conversation.

-lives of politicians: In the US and G. Britain, the lives of celebrities and politicians are always plastered all over the news and the tabloids. They still have tabloids in France but not to the extent that we do. They think their lives should be kept private and all that matters is how good of a politician/singer/actor they are.

-public disagreements (in couples and between countries): This one is almost the opposite than what you'd think for France. It is almost normal for couples to have disagreements in public since it is 'part of life.' This is the same with relations between France and other countries. They say exactly what is on their mind - part of the reason why France and the US have had strained relations in the past. They feel no need to keep up pretenses.

-the ‘bises’: this has to do more with physical space. When girls greet girls to say both hello and goodbye, or guys and girls greet each other, they give each other the 'kisses' (where you kiss each cheek). Guys shake hands to say hello and goodbye (there are rare exceptions where guys give the 'bises'). It is the polite thing to do since it acknowledges the other peoples presence. To Americans this may seem like a violation of space, but to French people, hugs are a violation of space. French people also will stand very close to you. I've been in situations where I end up against the wall because I keep moving back and the French person keeps getting closer. You'd think they'd get the message!

Well, this is a topic I could talk about for quite awhile. I find there are some things that are positive about being more private and some things that are quite destructive. It is one of the the biggest differences between the two cultures. Well, I have touched on this before, so I'll keep it at that! Have a great week!

P.S. The majority of you were correct - 29 countries speak French! It was 30 until about a month ago when Rwanda changed their official language from French to English.